How Yoga Transformed My Life
You see me happy? You see me living my best life? I didn't always have a happy & fulfilled life. I went through some dark & heavy shit in my life. I'm going to share my personal experience dealing with anxiety & depression. Based on the title, you know there was some yoga involved.
Let’s go back a few years. There was a part of my life that was dark! Literally, I have some memories that are entirely blacked out. These blackouts were a symptom of my anxiety. During this time in my life, I was about 20 years old & dealing with a custody battle for my daughter. Uff, that was one of the hardest things that I had to deal with in my life. This event turned my life upside down in so many ways. Physically, I had gained a lot of weight; emotionally, I was drained & spiritually, I felt dark. I felt defeated! I didn’t know what I was doing with my life; I just knew I needed to be strong & healthy for my baby girl. So I reached out for help, went to the doctors, and they diagnosed me with anxiety & depression. The solution was to take medications. At that point, I was so desperate to be “okay” to continue my life that I took the medicines. But, I will admit, I only took them for a few days. I hated them! I hated how I felt with & without the medication. I was genuinely defeated at that point. The way I remember, I did something dramatic. To this day, I keep replaying it in my head in dramatic slow motion. I said, “I’m tired of this shit” I got in the car & drove myself to the gym. I looked at the pills as I was driving & threw them out the window! I walked into the gym & signed myself for membership. This was the exact moment I started my health journey! Since I had gained so much weight, I would prioritize my cardio & strength fitness. Occasionally, I would take a yoga class. Yoga always calmed my mind from all the chatter that was happening. Yoga also helped me concentrate on what was important. I learned then that it is essential to take care of yourself first to take care of others. I began to feel good & started living my life with a purpose. My anxiety & depression had vanished.
Then in 2017, when I was 28 years old, my anxiety came back. This time around, it came back with different symptoms. My symptoms were the following: pain in the heart, trouble breathing, pain in the stomach, facing twitching & extreme brain fog. In my perspective, that year, I was surrounded by negative energy – negative people & negative situations. I was not being true to myself because I was people-pleasing. Yuck, such a horrible feeling! I knew I had to do something about it. I couldn’t drive myself to the gym because I was already doing that. This anxiety was so dark that I knew I needed something more substantial & I did not want to take medication. I wanted & needed to tap into my true self. I had taken yoga at the gym on occasions, but the classes were limited. So I decided to try an actual yoga studio. So I did! Let me tell you, I was so scared to walk in through those doors. As I walked in, I was sweating, shaky & had shallow breathing. Talk about fear & extreme anxiety!
So I took my first hot yoga class, aka “Bikram Yoga,” and I felt I was on clouds after class. Instantly I knew that this was what I needed. I started with baby steps, took class 1 time a week & slowly started taking more classes. Before I knew it, I was addicted! I was addicted to pranayama, the 4th limb of yoga- breath control. Since I had such a hard time breathing, pranayama allowed me to take those full deep breaths on & off the matt. When you are doing yoga in a hot room & you are in uncomfortable postures, all you can think about is stillness & controlling the breath. The outside world was non-existent at that moment. This allowed me to tap into my true self & take control of my anxiety.
One day on my drive home, something magical happened. I took a deep breath & a long exhale. While I was exhaling, I felt the sensation of this black smoke coming out of my body. It was like my life had changed in 1 breath, and it did! After doing a self-evaluation, all the negativity in my life was not affecting me anymore. I started to be me! Excuse my language; I didn’t get I fu** what people thought of me. I was doing everything in my life the way I wanted to do things! *I just had tears of joy typing these last 2 sentences. So my friend reading this, be the authentic you. Do everything your way & don't live your life like others want you to.
In 2020 during the global pandemic, the most challenging time in the world, I felt the best I have ever felt in my whole entire life! I felt great because I was immersed in yoga. I even felt called to get certified to be a yoga teacher. Yoga helped me so much that I want to hold space for those going through dark moments because I have been there. Yoga has transformed my life in so many ways.
Yoga has taught me how to live a meaningful life!
Yoga taught me to live in the present moment.
Yoga taught me to care for my sympathetic nervous system- Keeping me healthy but, in my opinion, the most significant contributor to weight loss.
Yoga taught me to be a better mom & wife.
Yoga taught me how to breathe & control my anxiety
Yoga taught me to live my best life, which I am living.
Yoga taught me to be me!
And I lived happily-ever-after…
Well, yes & no! Anxiety never really goes away. It’s still there. I feel it from time to time. However, it has not gotten in the way as it did in the past. I have my moments, but I learned what works for me. While there are other contributing factors such as having faith in God, eating clean, living a non-toxic life, etc. I recognized that physical movement, particularly yoga, has helped me with my anxiety. For this reason, yoga will always be part of my life because I want to keep living my best life & have that happily ever after story I deserve. And you do too. We all struggle with something in our life. So we all must find what works for us & live our best life!
Reflection:
What are you doing today to take care of yourself?
What part of yoga do you enjoy the most?
Positive vibes,
Julievett